


The Man Who Has Everything Except Children That Obey Him

by Boostergoldsmissingarm



Series: Earth-Boost [11]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Birthdays, Familial Love, Fun mall shenanigans, i can't write endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 19:15:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15419748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Boostergoldsmissingarm/pseuds/Boostergoldsmissingarm
Summary: The bat children try to buy Bruce a birthday present. Mall shenanigans ensue.





	The Man Who Has Everything Except Children That Obey Him

In every aspect except physical the mall was a war zone and Dick Grayson was attempting to rally his troops. Unfortunately, his troops did not care.

“Can we go now?” asked Jason, his would be second in command.

“No. It’s Bruce’s birthday tomorrow and we can’t all get him socks again,” ordered Dick.

“Hey, me and Stephanie didn’t get him socks,” said Jason. That’s because you got him a crowbar. And Steph got him nothing,” said Dick. Stephanie shot him some finger guns. “Now where the hell is Tim.”

Tim was in the pet store looking at the fish. Tim also hadn’t slept in a couple of days. “Hey Tim, buddy come here. We need to focus guys. Duke, Cass where are you guys going?” asked Dick. 

“Away from the potential misdemeanors and quite possibly felonies,” said Duke. Cassandra looked at Dick. He knew she could read him like a book. He knew that she could see just how exhausted he was and that he was practically begging for help. Instead she just shrugged and said “Sorry.” And off they went, taking his last hope for sanity with them.

“So I guess we’re paring off then. I’ll go with Dami. Jason you go with Tim and Stephanie. Please don’t let Tim do anything too dangerous,” said Dick.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” muttered Jason as he walked away, attempting to drag Tim with him. 

“Hey Tim, wanna do stupid things for the internet?” asked Stephanie as she ran after them.

“No!” called Dick. But it was far too late. They were gone. So were his hopes of some of them not ending up in mall jail. If they gave out punch cards for getting arrested they would have approximately 20 free sandwiches. So Dick and Damian headed once more unto the breach. They shopped for 45 whole minutes and were soon to give up. And that’s when they saw it: the Holy Grail of presents. It was sentimental enough that it counted as a real present while not sentimental enough to cause Bruce to have a mythical fourth feeling. And it was even on sale. They quickly headed over to a most likely underpaid cashier and they were so, so close when Damian said, “The price is wrong. It’s on sale."

Dami, we’re billionaires. We can go after we pay, come on,” said Dick. Was this how Bruce felt all the time?

"It’s the principle of the matter, Grayson. We deserve this,” said Damian. This child would be the death of him. 

"Please stop yelling sir, I’m doing my best,” said the poor, tired, definitely underpaid cashier. And with that Damian softened.

“Fine. I’ll let it go for now,” said Damian. And then they got out of the mall as fast as they could, leaving everyone else behind. Sometimes it was every man for themselves.————————————————

Jason glared at Stephanie. Stephanie looked away and attempted to whistle innocently, but Stephanie had been innocent five times in her life and right at that moment she was not. “I can’t believe you got us thrown in mall jail. Again,” said Jason.

“Technically it was Tim. He was the one that grabbed all the dolls and then-” said Stephanie. 

"You told him to!” interrupted Jason.

“Yes, but he didn’t have to,” said Stephanie. She tried to shoot a pointed glare at Tim, but it failed because he had fallen asleep. 

"And we didn’t even get Bruce a present,” said Jason. 

“Like you were going to get him anything. And Tim will just join up with Cass and Duke,” said Stephani. She was right. 

“Alright, whatever. Who’s gonna bail us out of mall jail this time?,” said Jason. 

"I’ll call Babs.“———————————————— 

So we’re getting him the Wonder Woman socks?” asked Duke. 

"Yes,” said Cass. 

"I’m so glad we left the others,” said Duke.

————————————————

“Thank you, they’re beautiful,” said Bruce, holding up the Wonder Woman socks.

“Open mine, Father,” said Damian, all but shoving the present at him. Time seemed to move in slow motion as Bruce opened it, but that could be because he was one of those people that tried to save the wrapping paper because it’s not like he could afford new wrapping paper. 

"It’s a Gray Ghost onesie,” said Bruce. He managed to communicate all three emotions he was feeling at the time with that simple statement.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime,” said Dick.

He was often seen wearing the onesie with his Wonder Woman socks.


End file.
